GeckCorp employs one individual, fully. Utilisation is total. The department of Human Resources consists of the resource.
Every month since inception. The award ceremony is brief and well attended (1).
Reviewed annually. Approved unanimously.
Fig. 3 / The organisational chart. It is complete. It is also a circle, which pleases Gerald.
Enjoyed by 100% of staff (1), per Employee Handbook GC-HB-004. The handbook is binding. It is also quite heavy.
The break room features a large flat rock and a heat lamp. Usage is monitored, encouraged and, frankly, universal.
Paid time off is unlimited and unavailable. The two policies operate independently and in full compliance.
Staff grow approximately two centimetres per year. Growth is tracked, charted and celebrated. Attendance at the ceremony is perfect.
Lunch is provided daily. The protein is seasonal and abundant near the ceiling lights. Vegetarian options exist and are respected, quietly.
Reviewed continuously by the Head of Recruitment, who is not hiring.
Headcount is at capacity (1). Succession planning concluded that Gerald will be succeeded by Gerald. The plan was praised for its continuity.
Applications remain welcome, as a formality.
Thank you for your interest in joining GeckCorp. Headcount is at capacity (1). The position you imagined does not exist and is, nevertheless, filled.
This decision reflects neither your qualifications, which were not reviewed, nor your character, which was.
REF GC-HR-DECLINE-0000 / DETERMINATION FINAL